A step away
by DarkIthil
Summary: How much pushing does a stubborn person need to finally face himself, and how much is too much? Kanda-centric. Slashy. Kanda x Lavi. On permanent HIATUS, for the author lost all interest in the series.
1. Prologue

**Summary: **how much pushing does a stubborn person need to finally face himself, and how much is too much? Kanda-centric. Slashy.

**Pairing:** Kanda/Lavi. Warning: slash pairing.

**Declaimer:** DGM nor its characters are mine.

* * *

"_Imagination is an axiom. One can't argue with it."_

_Selina-sempai_

**A step away**_  
_

**- Prologue -**

Mountains. A beautiful landscape, full of life, endless green hills, sun reflected in the surface of a restless water of a quick stream – a peaceful atmosphere for those who could enjoy it. Someone couldn't.

Kanda Yuu swore for the ninety ninth time that hour: how he ended up babysitting two exorcists, who in all honesty were older than he, was beyond him.

It had a rather promising beginning – a mission to retrieve innocence. Things became uglier when Komui informed him the details: rumors said somewhere in the mountains was a witch who could heal people, even almost desperate and hopeless illness could be cured by her. The swordsman didn't like the sound of 'witch'. He was confirmed in the beliefs the mission would be troublesome when given information on his partners for that time.

Seeing hopeful and determined looks on normally emotionally unstable exorcists was almost enough to make Kanda snap, and they were only in a hall ready to take the elevator down to the underground waterway.

The bastard supervisor refused to let him go alone – none of the missions was to be run by only one exorcist nowadays, the exception being the generals. But both pitiful at once?

"Don't worry, Krory, Miranda, I'm sure you'll do your best!" and of course the blasted Moyashi just had to be there as well, to say goodbye and wish them luck.

"Of course you will, Miranda, Kuro-chan!" along with the most annoying person in the whole Order.

"Tch," was the only sound heard from the irritated swordsman but it did provoke somewhat frightened and unsure expressions from his mission partners to be. He turned away, he really didn't care.

"Yuu!" a sudden cheerful cry form Lavi. "I completely forgot to tell you something very-very important!" and Kanda was dragged to a far corner.

The look the redhead gave facing him was surprisingly serious.

"Yuu, you are as close to a perfect exorcist going on a mission as one could possibly be, but I still don't think you should complicate your job. Don't scare your own comrades; it won't work with these two, they are already uncertain enough. You do want the mission done as quickly as possible, don't you? So trust a friendly advice, don't be counterproductive."

With that Bookman Jr. had the gall to turn around and stride back to the company, leaving Kanda gaping, for once too stunned to protest and threaten or otherwise express his outrage.

After some attempts at meditation, not that he could find a quiet lonely place on the train – if only that woman would stop making a frightened squeak every time he as much as glanced in her general direction – a part of Kanda's mind was able to reluctantly admit that Lavi could probably be right. "The hell, how dare he say something like that!" though to admit it completely would take time. A lot of time.

And right now these musings left the swordsman with a restraint of snapping.

"Damn you, Lavi!" was the hundredth curse.

_- TBC -_

* * *

**AN. **

The author actually believes neither Krory nor Miranda are _that_ pitiful. But they do have some inhibitions and gentle traits in their respectful characters. Add Kanda's harshness to the mix and you'll get why the author thought Lavi would be inclined to make the speech.

Speaking about Kanda, after discussing it quite a lot in several forums and thinking about it, the author has an established opinion about Kanda Yuu. He is not stupid (as a surprisingly huge amount of people think he is). Sure he has some silly traits, like him being very stubborn. He once decided how to act and follows this line, no sidestepping. And he's very short-tempered. But that doesn't mean he's stupid, he just needs a lot of persuasion to change his mind (it is a trait of Japanese culture and traditions, no?)

So, Kanda's actions in this fic would be based on these conclusions.


	2. Chapter 1

**A step away **

** - Chapter One -**

"Yes. Of course I know _all_ about our healer. She cured my cousin two years ago," said an old man, smiling a smile that showed a disturbing lack of teeth and made even more disturbing hand gestures describing a woman's figure "She's a young girl with long blond hair and nice curves..."

"No! She's a middle-aged woman," was an interruption from an old lady, and by the way she was glaring at the old man, she was probably his wife. "And the healer has a huge hairy wart at her upper lip too."

"No! She is quite pretty," another man added.

Kanda's eye twitched – trust them to find a woman with a lot of contrary descriptions of her appearance.

They were in a small village, the one finders had said the witch – or healer, whatever – lived in. Such a small village, but the supposedly easy task of finding the woman in question proved to be surprisingly difficult.

And the way Krory was muttering "Long blond hair... Eliade..." and sighing heartbrokenly didn't help to soothe the swordsman's nerves.

He gritted through his teeth: "Where. could. we. find. her?"

The argument about witch's appearance abruptly stopped, local people turned all their attention to the Japanese exorcist. The old lady smiled:

"That's easy, she leaves a mile or so north from the village. All you have to do is to go North from here – there's a path beside a stream. You'll find the house; it looks more like a dirty ragged hut though..."

"No! It's a pretty white house with flowers all around it and..."

"Che," Kanda swiftly turned around and strode away from the newly arguing crowd, Miranda and Krory hastily following.

There indeed was a stream and nearby path going North, proving that at least something the villagers said was true.

Not hesitating a second, Kanda marched purposefully forward, but found that his companions were not so eager to follow.

"What?" he barked.

"What if... what if she is indeed a witch, Kanda-san?" was Miranda's hesitant question.

He gritted his teeth harder, "So?"

"What if she curses us?" asked Krory.

With internal growl Kanda was about to snap, but seeing their unease abruptly stopped. _"They are already uncertain enough,"_ rang an annoying Lavi's voice in his mind. "_Don't be counterproductive."_

Why should he listen to something the idiot says? However, with a huge effort of will, the swordsman managed a restrained: "We have a mission." Deep breath. "She could have Innocence." Another deep breath. "We have to find out. Let's go."

The two exorcists exchanged worried looks and hesitantly followed him, while Kanda tried hard to block out Miranda's quiet apologies.

The landscape around them changed. It became more wild, showing lesser and lesser evidence of human presence the further they went, but Japanese exorcist was paying little attention to it. He was too busy blocking his memories of Lavi's parting words before the mission.

_Lavi._ How did the redhead manage to affect Kanda's actions like that? No one, _no one_ can tell him what to do, least of all some stupid redhead. _Damn it all._

The path led to a small valley, surrounded by overhanging cliffs, huge stones richly covered with green. There, seemingly melted with stone, was a little house, its white walls almost impossible to see because of ivy and moss. Not a soul could be seen, except for a crow, sitting on a branch of a dead withered tree, looking at them intently, its head bent aside.

Kanda knocked at the door.

"Come in, come in," was a quiet melodic answer. "Don't be afraid."

_Afraid?_ Then again his two companions apparently were, staying some distance away, huddled together. _Che, whatever_, without hesitation Kanda stepped in.

The house was bright inside, not something one would expect from such exterior, nor from a witch lair. The air smelled slightly of herbs.

The woman in question was sitting by a fireplace, reading a book. She looked at them with shining brown eyes and smiled in a pleasant way. The swordsman heard Krory gulp behind him. The hell, people always mistook the guy for a vampire and a monster, how could he be actually afraid of a single woman?

The door closed.

"Welcome! How can I help you?" She was a good looking young woman with long coal-black hair braided behind her back.

Silence was her only answer. With inward sigh Kanda understood he was the one doing the talk this time... how he hated talking.

"We are members of Black Order, exorcists. Your powers of healing could be caused by something we call Innocence. We came to find it out."

She stood up, went to retrieve a kettle:

"Tea?"

Kanda shook his head in negative.

"Sit down; it would be a long talk. You are probably tired. Have some tea, it's soothing."

They sat. The two exorcists were looking around apprehensively; half expecting half fearing something more 'witchy' would jump out on them any second.

"My name is Anna," the woman said.

"Kanda."

"M-miranda."

"Krory."

"Nice to meet you," she put four cups on the table and poured hot liquid into each one. "Now, please have some tea, and tell me what this Innocence is and why you think I could have one."

Anna saw their hesitation and added, "Do not worry, I am not going to poison you – I have no need for corpses right now," she sipped the tea.

Kanda sighed. He hated talking.

___- . - . - . ____- . - . -_

"Akuma, you say," Anna was holding her empty cup and looking inside it pensively.

"I believe your story. I also sense a strange power in you," she paused, titling her head aside. "But my power is not caused by such thing – I'm not so innocent for Innocence to choose me." She looked at each one of them for a long while. "But neither are you, and yet..."

"What do you mean?" Miranda asked, surprised.

The witch smiled, "Don't worry, dear. I wasn't talking about you."

She suddenly grabbed Miranda's cup and looked inside.

"Your lack of self-confidence is balanced by the power given to you. But guild and hope are not enough to preserve all good forever. Time has to move forward, right?" her gaze lifted to lock on the slightly trembling young woman.

Heavy silence filled the room.

Kanda ignored a shocked look on Miranda's face and addressed Anna:

"You might be in danger. Exorcists are not the only ones who heard of your abilities."

The witch just smiled: "Abilities come for prices. I will handle what is stored in for me."

He glared at her, she just smiled wider: "I'm a human after all, and humans are known for their silly stubbornness and refusal to face what's right in front of them."

Such words gave Kanda an unpleasant feeling.

Suddenly they heard a crow croak outside.

Anna stood up, "Danger approaches."

"Akuma!" was Krory's growl, he rushed outside, his appearance changed, long fangs shining.

The witch was about to be attacked.

_- TBC -_

* * *

**AN:** Deepest apologies to those of you, who were waiting for an update.

But interest in DGM has returned to the author and the story was nourished back to life, with rough sketches of incoming chapters already done.


	3. Chapter 2

**A step away **

**- Chapter Two -**

It was bright outside.

Croaking the bird was flipping its wings at metallic grotesque forms. Level 1 Akumas, about a dozen of them, were strangely motionless, just hovering in the air, some of them were even frozen mid transformation, the guns not out completely.

Whatever witchcraft was cast at them, if any, Kanda doubted it would hold them still for too long. Krory was already attacking one of the demons.

"Mugen, activate!"

Coolness of the blade was immediately mirrored in his mind.

Kanda cut through an Akuma, his sword singing.

The demons were slowly waking up from the stupor, firing. He dodged. Quickly changed direction of his movement, making an Akuma shoot another one behind him.

Here, in the middle of the battle, everything was familiar, easy and most importantly simple. No strange alien thoughts running through his mind. No women trying to see through his soul. At the moment it was easy: kill, or be killed.

Another metallic form suddenly exploded, its pieces scratching Kanda's shoulder.

"Don't get in my way!" he shouted at Krory.

A golden ring appeared around the wound, healing it. _Che, what a vain injury._

If only the two exorcists stayed away and managed not to get killed, he would deal with the enemy fast.

Kanda raised the sword again.

A gust of wind was his only warning. Loud high-pitched sound – almost a cry – cut through the air, dinning into his head.

The vision blurring, he almost went down on his knees.

"Time Record: Time Out!"

Glowing shield appeared around the swordsman. The sound hushed.

His vision clearing, Kanda saw a huge creature holding a violin in its twisted paws, creating hell music. A Level 2.

"Kaichu: Ichigen!"

But the Insects, flying out of the time shield, were deflected and hit the Akuma not strong enough to kill. But strong enough to cut its arms off. The sound abruptly stopped.

Immediately Krory jumped to finish off remaining First Levels, while several demons were trying to escape.

_Not going to happen!_ – this time Hell's Insects, not being influenced by sound, easily hacked through the retreating forms.

The sound of explosions drifted away. Everything was still.

Japanese exorcist, adrenalin slowly running down, looked around. Nothing moved. Only at a distance quiet sobs were heard: "My arms, my arms! ... How will I play my precious violin? Oh..."

That Level 2 was still alive. _For now_. Kanda turned in the direction to change that fact, and abruptly stopped, his breath hitching.

Anna was standing beside the fallen creature, the edges of her grey dress billowing slightly in the wind.

She asked quietly, "What would you give to get your arms back?"

"My arms... so I would play again," the Akuma sniffed. "Anything! I'd give everything!"

"What are you doing?" was Krory's astonished voice.

The witch raised her hand. Light flashed brightly, too bright to be able to see anything but the light itself. Then it was gone.

Kanda opened his eyes and looked surprised at the scene before him: the Akuma, now in human form, lay on the ground, its arms intact. Anna stood motionless above it.

The creature moved its fingers, opened its eyes, noticed them, exclaimed "Exorcists!" and started to change into balloon-shaped weapon.

It was Level 1.

_What?_ Kanda, acting instinctively, cut it asunder.

The crow cawed; a tree's leafs shivered in the wind. Quiet.

The swordsman turned towards the witch. Miranda and Krory were looking at her in shock.

"What have you done with that Akuma?"

Anna looked at each one of them:

"It said it would give anything to be able to play again. I gave it back its arms. The price was high. It's dead."

She turned around and went inside the house. The exorcists exchanged looks and followed her.

"You came for answers," Anna said as soon as they stepped in. "I'm a witch, an enchantress, a healer. But nothing I do comes for free. The price must be equivalent to the request."

Her expression softened, "Have more tea, take a rest and decide what you're going to do."

"Was it Innocence?" asked Miranda with a dubious expression.

Kanda shook his head, "I don't know. We must speak with Komui."

He glared at his companions: "You two, guard Anna. I'll go to the village and contact HQ."

___- . - . - . ____- . - . -_

"This is very unusual," Komui's voice sounded distorted through the golem.

Kanda had recounted all the events, and had been asked to wait until the Supervisor checked through the records and consulted Bookman. Now, half an hour later, they were deciding what to do.

"So, is it Innocence?"

"I doubt it," the Supervisor sounded grave. "She helped an Akuma and didn't fall. Of course you've killed the creature eventually, but that doesn't change the fact that she helped it. It appears that she is indeed a witch."

"Should we return to Head Quarters then?" the swordsman didn't like the idea of staying close to the witch longer than was absolutely necessary.

"Not so soon," was the reply. "Even if there is no Innocence, her powers are dangerous to be left for Earl to discover. Guard her for a few more days."

Kanda sighed, he didn't like the situation at all.

"And one more thing," Komui added. "Bookman was very interested in the case, but he's recording another mission right now. So I'm sending Lavi and Lenalee to you."

"What?" _just fucking wonderful!_ "Why both of them? It'd be five exorcists here at once," not that some of them were very useful, but still.

"Well, you see, Kanda-kun, I cannot let Lavi travel alone," the Supervisor calmly explained, as if indulging a child. "Moreover, there's another report of possible Innocence, not far away from the place you're now. So, after you deal with the witch, some of you – who are the least injured – will have a new mission. Good luck!" he hung the phone.

First the witch. Then the Akuma. And now Lavi to annoy him.

Kanda cursed.

_- TBC -_

* * *

**AN:** poor Kanda, you have no idea what you're in for! _*my horns are itching*_

Anyway, this was my first battle scene ever, so the author feels a bit insecure. I wanted it to sound fast and quick. Did it succeed? You decide.


	4. Chapter 3

**A step away **

**- Chapter Three -**

Murmuring stream reflected bright golden light of rising sun. Nature bore the task of waking up and preparing for a new spring day.

Kanda was sitting cross-legged in the valley, attempting to meditate, had been doing so for a while already.

He was waiting. Waiting for Lavi and Lenalee to arrive. Waiting for Akuma to attack. Waiting for any changes so he could react and be done with the mission that started to test the edges of his patience much more than expected. _Waiting for a disaster..._ he tried to banish that thought.

Despite appearing tranquil to any outside observer his mind was not at ease and in spite of all effort the swordsman couldn't reach the state of inner calmness. He was burdened with heavy thoughts: of the strange woman, who could restore even Akuma but took what she claimed to be a fair price, and who could look at you and see – or so it seemed – your very soul; thoughts of his fellow exorcists, both of whom were edging between constantly being scared and being insecure or sorry; and most importantly thoughts of Lavi and Lenalee arriving soon... Lavi, who without even trying can make his blood boil with irritation and anger.

Kanda sighed.

A sound of footsteps brought the news of someone approaching.

Anna settled herself on a large rock near the stream, lowered one bare foot into the water and gazed at it pensively.

"You seem to be less calm than before," she observed.

Japanese exorcist reminded himself not to irritate the witch – he had enough curses to deal with already. Therefore he answered as gentle as possible:

"Miranda and Krory are less calm too," hinting that perhaps she would be so kind and go bother them instead.

She just smiled, "Yes, but they're more nervous about the oncoming battle, while you seem to be irritated or angry." Anna studied him closely, "Is it because of your friends, those two exorcists, that we are waiting for?"

He really shouldn't be saying anything to the woman, but it was difficult to stop a denying "They are not my friends!"

"They are not? Then what are they to you?"

It was beginning to be more and more difficult to remain calm, "Do you ask me to answer your questions? You're all about balance. Now you ask me. What do I get in return?"

A radiant smile was the answer: "In return I will leave you be."

_As easy as that?_ It was rather tempting, so Kanda reluctantly replied:

"One of the two, Lavi... He irritates me."

Anna was still looking at him expectantly, suggesting she knew that wasn't all, so he added:

"He is able to get under my skin like no one else does. I can't stop it."

The witch laughed: "And you let him? That's hard to believe in," she waved a hand at him, smiling. "You don't appear to be a passive person. Once you know something is not the way it's supposed to be, you do all you can to change it. And yet you let him get to you. Why?"

Seeing his widened eyes and struck expression, she took pity and stood up, "I'm sorry. I promised to leave you alone, so I'll stop bothering you."

Anna went inside the house, leaving the shaken young man by the stream.

There's no way Kanda could reach inner peace now. He wondered _Why indeed?_

In all honesty it wasn't too difficult to make Lavi stop bothering him, with little effort to cease all the comments and teasing that got under his skin. He never wholeheartedly asked the redhead to stop that entire friendly demeanor, that annoying ever-present smile and worst of all the pensive, calculating gazes the Bookman Jr. directed at him from time to time. It was even more irritating because he got the feeling Lavi was ignoring his threats because he didn't believe in their actual fulfillment, or didn't care about the swordsman's discomfort at all. That was a disturbingly unpleasant thought. Why should he even spare a thought to consider what the redhead thinks of him?

The image of the Lotus losing a petal flashed in Kanda's mind. [*]

The swordsman not just could, but had **had to** make Lavi stop influencing him that much. However, he didn't... _Why?_

___- . - . - . ____- . - . -_  


For a spring day, it was rather chilly outside. Now Kanda had one thing less to wait for – Lavi and Lenalee arrived about two hours ago.

_What takes him so long?_ – the redhead was inside the house, alone with the witch, talking, leaving the swordsman pacing irritably in the valley, occasionally receiving nervous glances from the other three exorcists.

Finding no more patience, Kanda went inside.

Brief pieces of conversation could be heard. "That's very interesting," Lavi told the witch, his eye was faintly glowing green. That surprised the dark headed man, reminding him that the person was Bookman Jr.

"Are you done?" being astounded made his voice more annoyed than he wanted. Anna scrutinized him calculatingly.

Lavi just smiled, "Yep. Where's everyone? I'll go ask them inside, Anna makes some wonderful tea."

Quarter an hour later six steaming cups were on the table, their owners sitting around it, and pensive silence ruled the atmosphere in the room.

"I told you already, I can defend myself," the witch tried to persuade them again. "You don't have to wait for an undefined period of time to protect me."

"Experience tells us the second attack is always stronger than the first." Lavi pointed out. "Even if here is no Innocence Akuma still will be here, and it's our job to defeat them."

_Our job?_ Kanda's thoughts were as dark as a moonless night. _Your job is to be a member of the Bookman clan, to record history, isn't it? Who are you trying to fool?_

But out loud he grumbled only: "The four of you can go to the next mission. I'm capable of defeating the demons on my own."

"Kanda-kun," admonished Lenalee. "We can't leave you here alone, you know that!"

"Besides," Lavi chipped in, "it's not like we are completely useless."

The redhead looked encouragingly at the direction of quiet Miranda and Krory. He added, "From what you told Komui, you'd have huge difficulty defeating that Level 2 without Miranda's help."

The woman in question looked rather grateful at Lavi, making the swordsman even angrier.

"So don't be that strict, Yuu-chan!"

"Don't call me that!"

Like the last hit that breaks a dam keeping disastrous water at bay, Lavi's last comment made anger flood Kanda's mind, stripping of the ability to think clearly. He hissed:

"You don't even care! About who's a good exorcist and who isn't! Your job is not to encourage people you don't even consider your friends, your job is to record history. You shouldn't care, Bookman Jr.!"

As soon as the words were out, he felt drained and tired.

The room was silent. Lenalee gasped, but all Kanda's focus was on Lavi, sitting there with an expression that showed nothing. Absolutely no emotion.

"You're right, Kanda," said Jr. He sounded neither angered nor sad. He didn't use Kanda's first name.

"But you see," the redhead continued, voice flat, lips curling in a cold smile "that means I also shouldn't care about what you think, or what you say."

Kanda had never imagined that simple words could hurt so much. He felt strangely ill. He got up, needed to get out – anywhere, just away from that person, who drove him to the brinks of insanity every time.

"Where are you going?" Anna's voice was commanding, cutting through air with force. "The demons are approaching. Stop them. Defeat them."

Now, as that they listened carefully, unmistakable sound of the crow could be heard.

_To fight now? In this state of mind?_ For the first time in his life Kanda was mentally unprepared for a battle. He needed time to collect himself, to stop his mind from overflowing and his chest from feeling that strange aching weight.

They rushed outside. Akuma, mostly Level 2, looming, twisted and dangerous, were approaching very fast. Kanda for once was thankful he wasn't alone facing the demons.

_Enough!_ There would be time to deal with everything later, as long as he survived. _Survived._ He had to destroy the enemy.

"Mugen, activate!" at least his hands were not shaking.

The fight was a mess. Hits and screams, and cries, and flashes of light overwhelmed the valley. Constantly aiming Hell Insects at the demons, Kanda vaguely registered Lenalee leaping and flying – a blurred flash of black and green – destroying Akuma with her Dark Boots; Miranda and Krory in duet – one holding a shield leaving the other an offensive priority – dealing quite well with the situation; Lavi extending his innocence to chase after fleeing Akuma.

It began in chaos, it ended chaotically.

The swordsman took a deep breath; it seemed they were all right. He looked around to confirm that.

Miranda was sitting on the ground, holding a hand to a wound in her side. That was not good. The woman was reassuring Krory and Lenalee she was fine, the wound wasn't deep.

Lenalee straightened and gazed around, "Where's Lavi?"

The redhead was nowhere to be seen in the valley.

Kanda's breath left him, chest hurting.

_NO!_

_- TBC -_

* * *

***** Among other things, Lotus represents purity and detachment. The author thinks it suits Kanda's line of conduct. Therefore, the mantra _"you shouldn't get involved"_ holds true for both Kanda and Lavi. They're more alike than they could even imagine!

Both have to overcome the wall separating their emotions. Ahh, c'est un amour impossible! =]


End file.
